HIS REASON FOR LIVING

Death of a loved one not only creates sorrow-it also nurtures friendships, reawakens fond memories, renews life’s energies, and embraces peaceful resolve.

My brother, Stoney Bowden, a gay activist, died unexpectedly in his sleep three weeks ago.  When he died, a special community grieved together-his children, his ex-wife, his brother and sisters, his parents, his friends, his relatives.

Through this personal grieving process, a special bonding took place among people with different lifestyles.  Death erased differences.  We stood together as one, supporting one another, comforting one another.  Only one person seemed to come away from the process angry and frustrated-Tim Campbell, editor of the GLC Voice.

Stoney died of natural causes.  The medical examiner’s autopsy quickly ruled out AIDS, suicide, or homicide-each one of  special concern to gay community members.  However, a definitive medical reason could not be found.  This has been Campbell’s issue.  “Gay men that young simply do not die without reason.”  Well, Mr. Campbell, this one did.

During a time when people refuse to accept the lifestyles of loved ones; during a time when doctors are asked to hide real causes of death; during a time when military men are released from service to their country because they are gay; during a time when a woman is denied the opportunity to help her lesbian lover now confined to a nursing home; during a time when my own 12-year-old daughter is told by a friend that gays are satanic-during this time, I can understand Campbell’s skepticism.

However, I cannot condone Campbell’s manipulation of words to generate suspicion and fear among the vulnerable.  This is the point with which he and I part company.  In an article about AIDS (GLC Voice:  August 1, 1988, p. 1), Campbell stated that Stoney had died “mysteriously,” and that the medical examiner attributed his death to natural causes while “claiming” never to have been able to ascertain any definitive reason for death.  This type of reporting is misleading.  It does nothing to bond the community.  It does, however, do everything to fragment it.

Campbell needs to listen carefully to those who are being open with him.  As advocates for change, we should not create our own controversy to perpetuate our own causes.  Rather, we should confront real controversy in order to diminish the need for causes. 

My brother, Stoney, died in his sleep a few weeks ago.  His reason for living is revealed in the people he touched.  His reason for dying is hidden from our view. 

(Written by Beth Good in response to an article printed in the

University of Minnesota’s newspaper and the GLC Voice, 1988)